The Last Days Before Labor {jace's birth story part 1}

On Monday, May 2nd, I had my last OB appointment. I was 1.5-2cm, and 50% thinned. I was kind of surprised, since I was almost due (39 weeks 2 days). By that time with Audrey I was about 2cm/70%. After he checked me, I was hit with some pretty devastating news. My OB's wife had scheduled a cruise for their anniversary the next week. Normally it would be fine, but that was the week I was due, and I seriously do not trust any other doctors in our area. All of my "he will come when he is ready" thoughts went out the window. I immediately got sad because I felt like he had to come that week, or my VBAC was not even a possibility anymore. I knew if I went into labor after Thursday night, that there was an excellent chance that I would get an impatient OB, or one who would even refuse to let me labor, and would cut me open as soon as I walked in. Defeated, I scheduled my next appointment for his first day back, Monday May 16 (41 weeks 2 days) at 10:30am. My husband and I hoped and prayed he would come that week, or wait the two weeks. My mom flew in from Detroit a few hours after my appointment, so while waiting for her, we shopped and did a lot of walking around a local park. Nothing, of course.

The next day, I had a little big of mucus plug come out, just tiny little pieces. I didn't lose it with Audrey, but I was pretty sure that was what it was. I was excited and hoping to see more! The day after that, I lost the rest, and it was...disgusting. I was of course still riveted. I got super excited and just knew I would go into labor soon. Around that time, I started having a lot of pressure in my back during my Braxton Hicks contractions. A few days after that, I started having painful contractions off/on every night and morning, but they always tapered off. I tried eating dates, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, taking some evening primrose oil, sex, squats, walking, bouncing on my ball, relaxing,eggplant parmesan, pizza with tons of basil/oregano etc. on it, pressure points...the list goes on. Nothing.

My due date came and went. I continued to have painful contractions every night in bed and some in the morning. Since my mom was visiting, she helped with Audrey, and I got to sleep in some, bounce a lot on my ball, and watch Friends on Netflix. I texted my doula, Danielle, a lot. Eventually, I reached 41 weeks, and I watched every second for blood, wished every minute for my water to break (but at the same time, hoping he would stay in just a bit longer). Nothing happened. Saturday night, at 41 weeks and 1 day, I decided to try the very last thing. Pineapple. I brought it home, and around midnight, I got it out and went to cut it up when I realized my big butcher knife was dirty. I started whining and pitched a "Forget it, it wasn't going to work anyway" fit. My husband pulled out a (clean) pocket knife and cut it up for me after that, and we went to bed to watch tv shows while I ate my pineapple. All I felt was indigestion, which I'd had the week before after eating something. I went to sleep annoyed, but knew it was for the best since my OB was still on vacation for approximately 36 more hours.

(to be continued)

Life

Wow! I cannot believe I haven't been on in so long.

I did order a new laptop charger, but it came in an incorrect size. I finally got the other one a few weeks ago. We have just had so much going on! I *will* get to my birth story...eventually.

Jace is 4 months old now, and a week ago today he weighed 16 lbs 2 oz and he was 26 inches long.

I am so happy to say that while we have been extremely busy, I cannot use post-partum depression as an excuse for not updating! I was very depressed with Audrey, and with Jace, I did not have this issue! It has been absolutely amazing to be able to enjoy my baby. I feel like our entire labor and delivery experience is most of the reasoning for that. I went into labor on my own, nine days late, and had him ten days over. 

Jace was our VBAC rainbow baby. I am still so proud of myself for succeeding at a VBAC, but I know I couldn't have done it without Clayton, my doula Danielle, or Dr. Haraway. I had so much amazing support during his pregnancy and birth. I did tear (...a lot, but more on that later) but the experience was still so much better than with Audrey's c-section. The hospital stay was a lot better as well.

So, I promise the birth story is coming! Until then...more pictures!

He's here!!!

Our baby boy, Jace, arrived on 5/16/16, ten days late. I've been meaning to write our birth story here, but unfortunately my laptop charger is broken! We have also obviously been very busy :)

Will post soon. But we are so in love with him! He's absolutely perfect.

Pregnancy Update

Holy cow!

I've been meaning to update this, but life has been seriously crazy lately. Audrey had a stomach virus in February (which was our least busy month and when I should have updated last). In March, our nephew was born three weeks early and spent ten days in the NICU (he's okay!). Our sweet cat, Copper, also passed away that day, which has been terrible. We got her right after we got married in 2011 and she was my first little baby. We also had a labor scare (more on that later), our baby shower, and Audrey's birthday party, and then the day after she had her party, she started getting sick. She's been sick all week and is finally better. It was scary, she ended up in the ER with a fever of 104.9, and we could barely keep her awake at all. She was almost admitted for extra blood work, a chest x-ray, and an IV due to being dehydrated and them not knowing what was wrong with her. Her flu swab was negative, and she didn't have strep or an ear infection. Thank goodness she is okay now. It was not fun, I've never seen her that miserable. She didn't even want to get up, she just wanted to lay down and sleep. Anyone who knows her, knows she does NOT nap!

 We've also been working on potty training, but it's not going so well since we've been so busy and she's been sick twice. Poor baby. She did really good until she got the stomach virus, and then she did great during the day until she got sick this last time. Now she freaks out anytime she has to use the potty because she got dehydrated and they were trying to make her pee in a hat for a urine sample and it scared her.

As for the update on baby boy, he seems to be doing great in there! At about 31 and a half weeks, we had a little labor scare. I had contractions 3 minutes apart for three hours. Only a few of them hurt, I felt mostly pressure down low. Right when I was about to call labor and delivery (it was midnight ish), they started fizzling out. I would have called sooner, but I get Braxton Hicks ALL the time. I have with both kiddos since about 16 weeks. I definitely found it odd this time though that I could time them. Luckily, everything has been great since then!

We still do not have a name for the little guy, sadly. However, his nursery is starting to come along. We've painted his room, and we have the glider in there. We also have his changing table/dresser. Today I washed all of his blankets, bibs, burp cloths, socks, washcloths, and newborn to 3 months clothes and got it all put up. We still have a lot to do though!

It's getting late, but I'll put a few pictures up :)

xoxo

That "Look".

I am thrilled to be pregnant - obviously. Don't get me wrong.

However, sometimes I feel guilty. For instance, two days ago, I was out shopping for Audrey's birthday party decorations. I had Audrey with me, and was trying to keep her close to me while looking around, which wasn't easy since I'm 26 weeks pregnant and she is a wild almost three year old who had already been to several other stores.

I was walking around and kept making eye contact with this couple, especially the woman. They looked to be in their early to mid-thirties, and didn't have a child with them. The woman kept staring at Audrey and my belly, and she looked sad. I have absolutely no way of knowing if it was because they were having trouble, but it reminded me so much of the look I always had on my face when I was struggling. It broke my heart. I just wanted to hide my belly. I don't want to hurt anyone.

Things like that hurt so much. I could easily have been misreading the situation, but I just kept thinking "This woman is looking at me thinking I'm a fertile myrtle, and to her I may be, but I just want to tell her I'm not. This wasn't easy for me. " I wanted to hug her.

I feel sad every time I post about my pregnancy on Facebook, every time I post a belly picture or ultrasound picture. I know there are a few people that probably get sad anytime they see me or someone else post about being pregnant or about our babies. I still post because I'm excited, and everyone else always did it. But I always try not to say anything like "I'm so lucky", or "I'm so blessed". I have said "I'm so thankful", "I can't wait to meet him", etcetera. But I always try not to word things in a bragging way. I also would never be upset at someone for hiding me from Facebook if I was hurting them. Been there, done that.

It is amazing how I can still relate so much to the infertile/miscarriage community, and even though I have one living child, and am pregnant again, I still remember the pain so well. I still feel like I'm there, it feels like just yesterday I was bitter as can be.

I hope I can always remember, so that I can always be empathetic. Having healthy babies isn't something everyone gets to experience. I really am so incredibly thankful for this hard journey for that one reason. It allows me to truly realize how special this all really is. I will never take my babies for granted.

January news :)

Things have been going great around here!

I will be 25 weeks in two days, and I am feeling wonderful! A lot has happened in the past five weeks. We hired a doula, we've had a big talk with my OB, and we have a date set for our "baby sprinkle". It all feels so real finally!

Our doula seems amazing so far. I inquired about a few, but when I came across her profile, I just had a feeling that she was "the one". I looked up her blog and I saw that she has experienced pregnancy loss, and had some of the same feelings that I did in her pregnancy after loss. I really felt, and still feel, like I need someone who has been there. We met with her for the initial consult, and my husband liked her just as much as I did. We have quite a few other things in common as well, so I really think she will be a good fit for us.

My first OB, the one who delivered Audrey, was supposed to be the most "natural" in the area. I should have known better when I hit 39 weeks and he started talking c-section just because she hadn't dropped yet. He did "let" me go to 41 weeks before he induced me, but pushed that c-section really quick. My new OB told me he has no problems waiting until 42 weeks for any patient, VBAC or not, as long as there are no issues like dangerously high blood pressure or something else. He also said that instead of scheduling a repeat cesarean if I haven't went into labor, he will try safe ways to induce me. I'm so happy!

Our baby shower (or sprinkle) is going to be March 13th. I'll be just over 32 weeks!

In other news, Bubbie (baby's name, because he is nameless as of now) has finally flipped head down for now. I'm sure he will play around some more before he flips for good, but he has been breech for weeks now. Audrey has also learned how to write the letter "A". :) I'm so proud of her!!!

I'm so excited to start on Bubbie's nursery soon! We are going with a rustic theme. It's going to be perfect.

20 weeks pregnant

Wow! Today is the 20-week mark!

So far, everything is going great. I'm finally starting to feel better, although I still have to take nausea meds. When I forget, I do still feel sick all day. I also am still having terrible headaches. As much as both of those things suck, I definitely prefer it to not being pregnant. It's worth it.

All I've been doing is soaking up baby kicks. I will almost certainly never experience this again, so I just want to remember all of it. With Audrey, I enjoyed it, but I never thought I would be faced with the things I was faced with after having her. After going through infertility and/or losses, it definitely changes you completely. I just want to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, from here on out.

On the topic of never experiencing this again, this will be our second living child (knock on wood). My husband and I tossed around the idea of three kids early on in our relationship and marriage. Back when we were beginning to try for baby #2, I was still kind of wanting three kids. After going through what we did, I definitely don't want another child. I don't want to experience loss again, I don't want to try anymore. It is just way too much, physically and emotionally. I truly commend the women who have several losses, even stillbirths, and keep trying. I know I wouldn't be able to handle much more than what I did. The strength some women have just amazes me.

I've already had several people ask me if we are having another, and even when I say we are done, a lot of them still make jokes with me like "you never know, you'll probably end up with an accident", or "you'll decide to have another". The jokes about having an accident are fine (although I deem that unlikely), but when people act like I just have no clue what I'm talking about when I say we won't try for a number three? No, we *know* we don't want to go through this again! At this point in time, the only reason I would possibly try again for another is if something happened to this baby, and that is still a big maybe.

So it is crazy knowing I am half-way through this pregnancy, and I will almost certainly never experience baby kicks, hiccups again after next May. It's quite sad, but I'm thankful that I've been able to experience it at all, because some women never do. I am definitely not taking this for granted.