Unfortunately today we found out that our third baby passed away. It is pretty unbelievable but at the same time I've had this gut feeling since our last ultrasound. I lost most of my symptoms in week 9 and this baby was measuring about 9 weeks today when I was supposed to be 11 weeks pregnant.
Surprisingly I am doing okay (for now) but it is very upsetting.
😢
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Thursday, December 4, 2014
I can never feel reassured.
Our first appointment was a surprise. We met with the nurse and then my OB, then they told me that they were sending me back for an ultrasound. I immediately became nervous becauseiI wasn't expecting one until the next visit.
The tech came and got us and then informed me that she was doing an abdominal ultrasound (which struck me as odd). I was under the impression that transvaginal should be done until second trimester.
She said she would switch to transvaginal if she couldn't find a heartbeat. Luckily she found my baby and told me I was measuring 6w6d. Then she had me hold my breath twice. The first time it looked like the heart rate was 110bpm, but the second time she announced it was 109bpm and that it would get faster.
Now, I originally thought this sounded fine so early but upon telling a few people, I realiEd that it was very low. The LOW end of what people told me they had at that stage was 120!so I called the nurse back the next day and she told me for six weeks 109 was at the low end. My heart sunk. I told her I should he 6w4d and measured 6w6d and she said "Even though you're at the very low end of normal, try not to worry".
😑 Are you freaking kidding me?
Someone told me that maybe an abdominal ultrasound wouldn't "pick up" the heartbeat as well as a transvaginal, so maybe it was off, but my nurse crushed those dreams by telling me it should pick it up just as well.
She also didn't offer me a follow-up, which shocked me since I found three people at my gestation who were above 110bpm but below 120bpm and they were offered a follow-up and told it was low.
I've found horror stories and success stories, unfortinatldt it seems to be around 50/50 so I am of course upset and don't know what to expect.
I am trying not to think the worst but at this point it is really hard not to.
I don't know what I will do if we lose this baby, too.
The tech came and got us and then informed me that she was doing an abdominal ultrasound (which struck me as odd). I was under the impression that transvaginal should be done until second trimester.
She said she would switch to transvaginal if she couldn't find a heartbeat. Luckily she found my baby and told me I was measuring 6w6d. Then she had me hold my breath twice. The first time it looked like the heart rate was 110bpm, but the second time she announced it was 109bpm and that it would get faster.
Now, I originally thought this sounded fine so early but upon telling a few people, I realiEd that it was very low. The LOW end of what people told me they had at that stage was 120!so I called the nurse back the next day and she told me for six weeks 109 was at the low end. My heart sunk. I told her I should he 6w4d and measured 6w6d and she said "Even though you're at the very low end of normal, try not to worry".
😑 Are you freaking kidding me?
Someone told me that maybe an abdominal ultrasound wouldn't "pick up" the heartbeat as well as a transvaginal, so maybe it was off, but my nurse crushed those dreams by telling me it should pick it up just as well.
She also didn't offer me a follow-up, which shocked me since I found three people at my gestation who were above 110bpm but below 120bpm and they were offered a follow-up and told it was low.
I've found horror stories and success stories, unfortinatldt it seems to be around 50/50 so I am of course upset and don't know what to expect.
I am trying not to think the worst but at this point it is really hard not to.
I don't know what I will do if we lose this baby, too.
Monday, December 1, 2014
6w3d
I am late on writing this...we've had lots of things going on, Thanksgiving festivities and the birth of our niece being the main two.
I am still pregnant! I miscarried Sunny at 5w6d and I have hit 6w3d. I am a lot more relaxed this time around, but I have still had some worries. I still don't have morning sickness, and I have minimal cramping/stretching feelings. Those were the two things that made me realize that my pregnancy with Sunny wasn't viable.
I guess some would say I *do* have morning sickness if they have never had it. If I do, it's extremely mild. I'd say for a small portion of the day, my stomach feels a tiny bit unsettled and weird. I have never felt nauseous as if I was about to be sick. I did run to the toilet twice, but one was because of a particularly disgusting diaper that had me gagging, and the other was because of some weird, overwhelming feeling to run to the toilet and an odd sensation...but it was not nausea. This all started at 4w6d. Skipped 5w0d and started again. I have felt a bit uncomfortable at times, not wanting to get out of my chair, do chores, walk around etc because it aggravates the feeling. I also sometimes feel a tad sick first thing upon waking, but it goes away quickly without eating. I'd say 80% of my "nausea" I get AFTER eating.
I really don't know what to think. Feeling a little weird makes me feel positive because it is SOMETHING...maybe I am pregnant with a boy? With Audrey I was just horribly sick by now. My breasts are still really sore. I had some stretching sensations during week three, and maybe a couple of days into week four. I had some cramps the night of 4w2d, and a few more cramps in the past week, but just really quick ones. Not really much at all going on.
Our first appointment is tomorrow, and while the nurse mentioned wanting me at almost 7 weeks to hear a heartbeat, the receptionist said I didn't have an ultrasound scheduled when I called to inquire. It is too early to attempt a doppler, so I have no idea why the nurse mentioned that. I assume they will schedule an ultrasound tomorrow. I think tomorrow will be a pap smear, possibly a check to see if my uterus is enlarged (hope it is), and me getting a huge bag full if pamphlets, magazines, info sheets, etc.
All I know is that I really just want to see/hear or even just hear the heartbeat. I would feel so much better!
I am still pregnant! I miscarried Sunny at 5w6d and I have hit 6w3d. I am a lot more relaxed this time around, but I have still had some worries. I still don't have morning sickness, and I have minimal cramping/stretching feelings. Those were the two things that made me realize that my pregnancy with Sunny wasn't viable.
I guess some would say I *do* have morning sickness if they have never had it. If I do, it's extremely mild. I'd say for a small portion of the day, my stomach feels a tiny bit unsettled and weird. I have never felt nauseous as if I was about to be sick. I did run to the toilet twice, but one was because of a particularly disgusting diaper that had me gagging, and the other was because of some weird, overwhelming feeling to run to the toilet and an odd sensation...but it was not nausea. This all started at 4w6d. Skipped 5w0d and started again. I have felt a bit uncomfortable at times, not wanting to get out of my chair, do chores, walk around etc because it aggravates the feeling. I also sometimes feel a tad sick first thing upon waking, but it goes away quickly without eating. I'd say 80% of my "nausea" I get AFTER eating.
I really don't know what to think. Feeling a little weird makes me feel positive because it is SOMETHING...maybe I am pregnant with a boy? With Audrey I was just horribly sick by now. My breasts are still really sore. I had some stretching sensations during week three, and maybe a couple of days into week four. I had some cramps the night of 4w2d, and a few more cramps in the past week, but just really quick ones. Not really much at all going on.
Our first appointment is tomorrow, and while the nurse mentioned wanting me at almost 7 weeks to hear a heartbeat, the receptionist said I didn't have an ultrasound scheduled when I called to inquire. It is too early to attempt a doppler, so I have no idea why the nurse mentioned that. I assume they will schedule an ultrasound tomorrow. I think tomorrow will be a pap smear, possibly a check to see if my uterus is enlarged (hope it is), and me getting a huge bag full if pamphlets, magazines, info sheets, etc.
All I know is that I really just want to see/hear or even just hear the heartbeat. I would feel so much better!
Thursday, November 13, 2014
HCG Results
This cycle, I wasn't keeping track of ovulation very well, which was part of my "relaxation" tactic. Someone pointed out to me that all three cycles I've ever had that I temped this way, I got pregnant. Kind of a funny coincidence! Based on my cervix, cervical mucus, and the couple of temperatures that I actually took, it looks like I ovulated on cd17 or cd18, which made Monday 10-11dpo.
Monday, my HCG was 43 at 3:30pm.
I just went back yesterday, Wednesday (11-12dpo), 48 hours later at 3:30pm, and my HCG was: 187!!!!
It more than quadrupled, which is excellent. I put in that picture on the other post that I'm due July 23rd, but I may actually be due on the 24th. I'll know for sure at my first ultrasound.
We scheduled our first appointment for December 2nd, I'll be almost 7 weeks. The nurse mentioned something about hearing a heartbeat, which makes me wonder if we will have an ultrasound. It seems kind of early (I was expecting one around 8-9 weeks), but I can't see them attempting to use a doppler that early.
We also decided that we will announce on Thanksgiving night. I always said I would announce early, and I did before, so I'll do it again. I don't have any shame with a miscarriage, however, I am still scared of it happening again. The one thing that really weirds me out is that if I am really due on July 24th like I think I am, I will be 5 weeks 6 days when we announce our pregnancy, which is what I was when we lost Sunny. It is going to be a really hard time to announce. I am so nervous that we will announce, and then something will happen immediately after.
This pregnancy is different so far...I don't really have the AF cramps everyone talks about (I had them with Audrey, I've felt a few seconds of them with this pregnancy but that is it), but I have some weird little twinges. I don't know if I want to call them twinges, zings, stretching feelings, or what. I feel them on both sides of my uterus. I also gagged yesterday at Audrey's stinky diaper and felt a few queasy moments today - like "almost" nausea. So I am hoping (yeah...I know, haha) that I will be sick soon. It will be miserable, but it will be a wonderful miserable.
My breasts are sore, but nowhere near as sore as they were with Audrey (however with her, they were always really sore as soon as ovulation occurred). They also seem to fluctuate in soreness. This frustrates me as well, because this was one of the signs that I knew I was losing Sunny. They got less sore a few days before the bleeding started. :( The nurse said my progesterone looked good, but didn't mention a number.
However, worrying won't help me any. So I will sit back and enjoy this pregnancy...
Monday, my HCG was 43 at 3:30pm.
I just went back yesterday, Wednesday (11-12dpo), 48 hours later at 3:30pm, and my HCG was: 187!!!!
It more than quadrupled, which is excellent. I put in that picture on the other post that I'm due July 23rd, but I may actually be due on the 24th. I'll know for sure at my first ultrasound.
We scheduled our first appointment for December 2nd, I'll be almost 7 weeks. The nurse mentioned something about hearing a heartbeat, which makes me wonder if we will have an ultrasound. It seems kind of early (I was expecting one around 8-9 weeks), but I can't see them attempting to use a doppler that early.
We also decided that we will announce on Thanksgiving night. I always said I would announce early, and I did before, so I'll do it again. I don't have any shame with a miscarriage, however, I am still scared of it happening again. The one thing that really weirds me out is that if I am really due on July 24th like I think I am, I will be 5 weeks 6 days when we announce our pregnancy, which is what I was when we lost Sunny. It is going to be a really hard time to announce. I am so nervous that we will announce, and then something will happen immediately after.
This pregnancy is different so far...I don't really have the AF cramps everyone talks about (I had them with Audrey, I've felt a few seconds of them with this pregnancy but that is it), but I have some weird little twinges. I don't know if I want to call them twinges, zings, stretching feelings, or what. I feel them on both sides of my uterus. I also gagged yesterday at Audrey's stinky diaper and felt a few queasy moments today - like "almost" nausea. So I am hoping (yeah...I know, haha) that I will be sick soon. It will be miserable, but it will be a wonderful miserable.
My breasts are sore, but nowhere near as sore as they were with Audrey (however with her, they were always really sore as soon as ovulation occurred). They also seem to fluctuate in soreness. This frustrates me as well, because this was one of the signs that I knew I was losing Sunny. They got less sore a few days before the bleeding started. :( The nurse said my progesterone looked good, but didn't mention a number.
However, worrying won't help me any. So I will sit back and enjoy this pregnancy...
Monday, November 10, 2014
We're pregnant again!
Well...it's time to share the news.
If you are friends with me on Facebook, PLEASE do not say anything yet. We want to wait to share on Thanksgiving.
I am so excited, and while I'm nervous that my numbers don't be doubling, or that I will miscarry, I have a better feeling about this pregnancy than I did the last (so far). To say I'm shocked would be a bit of an understatement. DH and I sat in a Jacuzzi for 10-15 minutes about a week and a half before ovulation. It was pretty hot and I figured we ruined our chances. God decided that it was time, though. I spent all of Friday (8dpo) bawling. Jist crying my eyes out. I was so emotional over not getting pregnant, and every time I thought about my miscarriage, I would cry. I even posted a whiny Facebook status (I know...). I tested with a First Response and that is what triggered the sadness. I swore I saw a line at first (after the ccontrol was developing) but then it went away. I took the test apart and saw a line but you aren't supposed to do that.
Saturday, I kept my FMU for a few hours until my cheapies came in. I was shocked to see a line! My FRER have been giving me extremely faint lines while everything else has a decent line, so I must have gotten a bad batch or something.
10dpo FMU with FRER, then 11DPO fmu with Answer. Supposedly FRER is more sensitive than Answer...hmm. By this time with Audrey and Sunny, my FRER was much darker...but my cheapies look the exact same as with them, so...FRER has some issues right bow! I got a positive digital with that top FRER! Crazy.
So right now I am waiting on a call from my OB nurse to do some bloodwork and set up my first appointment.
Ah, nerves!
Thursday, November 6, 2014
what's going on lately...
I haven't updated my blog in almost a month. I really didn't have anything interesting to say. We are about to start our next cycle. I had a bfn today at 8dpo, which I know doesn't mean I'm out yet, but I can tell that I am.
I'm really not looking forward to next week, because I don't have a lot of synthroid pills left. This means I have to call my OBGYN, who is currently managing my thyroid since we are TTC. They'll have me come in for bloodwork. I'll have to sit in an office full of pregnant women rubbing their bellies. It's not going to be fun. I have to do this every three months or so until I get pregnant.
I really don't do well with watching non-stop belly rubbing.
Luckily, the time after this I will be going to my OB office for a fertility work-up (or hopefully, another pregnancy). So this time will be hard, but next time, while it will still be difficult, I will feel like we are accomplishing something.
Here are the pills I am taking right now: Prenatal vitamin (currently Similac Prenatal, although it varies, it is a two-pill a day pack), 1000IUVitamin d3 a day (down from 2000IU daily since I've changed up my pills), one baby aspirin a day (81mg), Calcium pills (60% of daily calcium, and 800IU of d3), levothyroxin, and methylfolate (can't remember how much, but 200% of daily value for a non-pregnant woman, which I think roughly converts to 100% for a pregnant woman).
I've never been tested for MTHFR, but it can't hurt to take precautions since it is very common and I have had a miscarriage. I actually feel great taking methylfolate and extra d3. I've felt a lot less stressed out and had less headaches for the past two weeks, which is awesome.
They say to take methylfolate for three months prior to the next conception if you have MTHFR. I started it slowly a little over a month ago, and it doesn't look like I'm pregnant. Also, DH is interviewing for a position today (it is his second interview, there are only two of them left), so if he gets that position, we will probably skip TTC next month for insurance purposes. So it will hopefully work out really well.
I'm definitely still aggravated with certain things and easily upset, but I have been less stressed lately, so that is a good thing. I really wanted to be pregnant by Christmas, and depending on how things go, that probably will not happen. But I hope to be pregnant by March 13th, Sunny's due date. That would make it so much easier to heal!
Good luck to any TTC'ers out there reading this.
I'm really not looking forward to next week, because I don't have a lot of synthroid pills left. This means I have to call my OBGYN, who is currently managing my thyroid since we are TTC. They'll have me come in for bloodwork. I'll have to sit in an office full of pregnant women rubbing their bellies. It's not going to be fun. I have to do this every three months or so until I get pregnant.
I really don't do well with watching non-stop belly rubbing.
Luckily, the time after this I will be going to my OB office for a fertility work-up (or hopefully, another pregnancy). So this time will be hard, but next time, while it will still be difficult, I will feel like we are accomplishing something.
Here are the pills I am taking right now: Prenatal vitamin (currently Similac Prenatal, although it varies, it is a two-pill a day pack), 1000IUVitamin d3 a day (down from 2000IU daily since I've changed up my pills), one baby aspirin a day (81mg), Calcium pills (60% of daily calcium, and 800IU of d3), levothyroxin, and methylfolate (can't remember how much, but 200% of daily value for a non-pregnant woman, which I think roughly converts to 100% for a pregnant woman).
I've never been tested for MTHFR, but it can't hurt to take precautions since it is very common and I have had a miscarriage. I actually feel great taking methylfolate and extra d3. I've felt a lot less stressed out and had less headaches for the past two weeks, which is awesome.
They say to take methylfolate for three months prior to the next conception if you have MTHFR. I started it slowly a little over a month ago, and it doesn't look like I'm pregnant. Also, DH is interviewing for a position today (it is his second interview, there are only two of them left), so if he gets that position, we will probably skip TTC next month for insurance purposes. So it will hopefully work out really well.
I'm definitely still aggravated with certain things and easily upset, but I have been less stressed lately, so that is a good thing. I really wanted to be pregnant by Christmas, and depending on how things go, that probably will not happen. But I hope to be pregnant by March 13th, Sunny's due date. That would make it so much easier to heal!
Good luck to any TTC'ers out there reading this.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
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