I think it is starting to finally hit me that this might just be it, our rainbow baby. I'm 10 weeks and 5 days, and I bought a new doppler on Saturday. Guess what? I've heard a beautiful heartbeat every single day. I've just been amazed. There is an actual baby in there, already swimming away from the doppler and being ornery.
I went to Target last week and spent a while walking through the baby section by myself. Guys, you have no idea how many times I've walked through there in the past year and a half and just wanted to weep. Sometimes I did tear up. Target is always full of pregnant women, rubbing their bumps, laughing, smiling, registering for their showers, and throwing baby things in their baskets. I almost started crying this time, touching everything, because I'm still in disbelief that so far, this baby seems healthy, and I may be able to seriously buy baby stuff soon. I could be one of those pregnant women again.
I was in the tenth week last pregnancy when I started having pinkish, yellow and brown spotting. It was very light, and most people won't have noticed that it was an off color. According to our first ultrasound, I was 11 weeks when we had our second and the baby measured 8 weeks and 4 days. So it feels amazing to know that I'm almost eleven weeks and this baby is still in there thriving. I'm so in love with this little baby. Just like I've loved all my babies. But this one I'm feeling a deep connection with. I just feel so much love right now, and my pain is slowly going away. I know it won't ever disappear, but I can already feel this baby just helping my heart so much. I know it sounds ridiculous.
Okay, enough cheesiness for today. :)
I'd have to say one of the hardest things so far this pregnancy (besides the general worries) has been due date groups. I've read several posts about how their friend or sister miscarried or is having trouble conceiving, and the hateful tone and rude comments have appalled me. I haven't gotten into any arguments, but it is so sad that my opinion is always ignored by the rude ones. Luckily I have been backed up by a couple of women, but it is always women who went through infertility and or loss as well. Some of the things I've read:
1) "My friend and I were pregnant and due the same week and she had a miscarriage. I've tried texting and calling her but she says she doesn't want to talk right now and she needs space. Obviously I've lost a friend, she's being ridiculous. What do I do?" The worst reply? "She sounds like a terrible friend. Drop her, if she can't get over it and be happy for you then she's not worth your time. I'd cut ties with her". The poster AGREED. Disgusting. I tried to explain to them that miscarriages are far from easy and she's mourning. The fact that she was due the same time as her made it a thousand times worse, because seeing her and talking to her reminds her of what she lost and should have. I told her to just give her space and tell her she's sorry and she loves her. The poster was like "well she's being a bad friend and doesn't want me to text her so I don't think so".
2) "My friend is having trouble getting pregnant and posted the other day that if she sees one more pregnancy announcement she's going to lose it. What do I do? I'm going to post my announcement this week." (My advice was to message her and say you wanted to give her a heads up, and that you're thinking about her and just didn't want to upset her even more since she saw her post about it. Someone had said that it sounded stupid and so I also tried to explain why pregnancy announcements hurt those dealing with infertility). Stupid comment (luckily not as bad as the one above about miscarriage): "If someone can't be happy when they see a friend's pregnancy announcement then that is their problem. If it hurts her, it hurts her. Nothing to do with you. Don't worry about it"
It just really breaks my heart that so many people have a "get over it" attitude with miscarriage and infertility. You have those people that will be blunt and let you know that they don't care about anyone else's problems, and you have those people that say they care but have a bad attitude deep down. I know it is hard to think about infertility and loss when you're pregnant and trying to be happy, believe me, but dang. I don't understand why so many people are so harsh and hateful. I've experienced so much nastiness personally and just by reading comments on articles and posts...it's sick.
So with that, I say...be the good you would like to see in the world, people. Say good things. Help people. Care for people. Everyone is fighting SOME kind of battle, just because you don't understand it, don't think it would be very hard, whatever...have some empathy. Love one another.
