The longest blog post...EVER.

I honestly meant to update this blog before now...I'd like to say it has been crazy around here, but it really hasn't been *too* bad. My laptop has been broken for a while now, though. I hate getting it out, I have to wait forever for it to turn on, then manually change the time and date. Plus the screen is broken. Hopefully later this year I can pick a new laptop out, but right now we have to worry about bills and other things.

{I apologize for how long this update is, it has my MFM appointment, a cycle update, and a "what does the future hold for us" update, all in one.}

So, onto more important things. My MFM appointment was a bust. I wasn't surprised, I was expecting to be let down again, and of course I was right. When we got into the exam room, we went over our paperwork with the nurse. She asked about a million more questions and then thouroughly went over the ones I had already answered on the paperwork. At one point, she asked about my thyroid and if I had antibodies, and I told her yes, but they were very low. She asked for my endocrinologist's name and I told her, but I also added that he had moved away right after my appointment so I hadn't been to see him again.

She left, and the doctor came in. He seemed nice enough, but as it always does, it started out good and got worse. He checked my breathing and then checked my legs (I assume for blood clots). As he got out his notes, the nurse came in and said "They just faxed that information over. She has elevated ANA levels." He said, "Thank you. That explains a lot". I assumed at first they were talking about someone else, but no, they were talking about me. He told me elevated ANA levels can indicate lupus. But then he said that they were probably elevated for some other reason. Apparently they called my old endocrinologist's office and got my records - I didn't even know they'd checked those.

We went over everything...I was basically told that my MTHFR is a non-issue. Yes, it causes neural tube defects and can cause blood clots, but it "probably wouldn't" cause blood clots, so I shouldn't worry about that. Then he told me to "overload" my body with folic acid so I'd get enough. The COMPLETE opposite of what I should be doing. At that point, I knew we had wasted a trip. I am completely ignoring that suggestion, I'm obviously going to keep taking my l-methylfolate. I almost rolled my eyes at him. He then said "I can almost guarantee you that if you take a bunch of folic acid and a baby aspirin, you'll have a healthy pregnancy next time." I kind of laughed and said "Yeah, well, I did that before my last pregnancy and you know how that turned out".

Then he moved on to discuss my thyroid problems. He said "Well, I bet I know when you found your thyroid problem, and I bet I I know what caused your miscarriages. It wasn't the MTHFR. When did you get diagnosed?" I told him June of 2012, three days before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. "Oh, darn it, I was sure you found it after one of your miscarriages. Untreated hypothyroidism can cause miscarriages. When did you have it checked last?" I told him I'd had it checked 6-7 times or more in the past year and it keeps coming back fine. (It is actually the best it has been ever right now).

So then he told me my thyroid probably DIDN'T cause my miscarriages, and that I just have (and I quote) "bullshit luck". He told me that even though I have several things going on that COULD cause miscarriages (MTHFR, elevated ANA levels, hypothyroidism, elevated prolactin, and low progesterone/ovulation issues), that he really thinks I just have shitty luck. I waited for an opening in the conversation and said "I have a question" probably four times and he kept interrupting me and wouldn't let me talk. Finally he shut up long enough for me to get it out, and at this point I was extremely annoyed at him for interrupting me. I told him I also have low progesterone, but that each doctor has told me that supplementing will do nothing for me, since it is caused by ovulation issues. He agreed. He told me that my low progesterone is caused by a "crappy egg" and that it causes miscarriages that way so supplementing does nothing since it can't "fix" the egg. I kind of asked about how to fix it and he wouldn't answer me, then went into some spew about how he'd love to tell me that I won't miscarry again, but since I've had two, it's likely I'll have more, but there's about a 66% chance I won't. He told me I had bullshit luck a couple of more times and I basically just got up and got ready to go at this point. He then told me to stay on the baby aspirin and overload with folic acid again. *sigh*

Anyway, I picked up some Vitex the other day and I've been taking it for a week now. I also started fish oil two weeks ago, so I'm taking quite a few supplements. I don't know if it was the fish oil or the Vitex, but I have had a lot less anxiety for the past week. The only thing that has been aggravating me is my cycle. I had a positive ovulation test on Monday and Tuesday, and we babydanced Sunday night before it turned positive, but it looked VERY negative on Sunday so we didn't use PreSeed (I don't produce ewcm, if it is close it is still pretty thick). My CM was creamy on Sunday as well. We babydanced again Tuesday morning, my cervix was high, firm, and open (it opened up on Monday). I haven't charted at all this cycle because it is kind of stressful for me, but it turned out to be a big mistake because I took it Wednesday and today to "confirm" ovulation. My post-ovulation temps are always about 97.35 to start out with, and it was 97.46 yesterday and 97.48 today. Pre-o they're 96.8-97.25. In other words, my temperatures are showing I ovulated, which is odd. It doesn't make sense with my fertile signs (my cervix is still high and open today, but still hasn't really been soft at all, although it doesn't always soften). Plus, I almost always get 2 temps at 97.40 or below a bit before they rise about 97.45, and they're already there. It is an odd cycle, I almost wonder if fish oil or Vitex hasn't raised them a bit. I'm going to keep trying for a few more days and keep taking my temperature until I can be positive, though.

As for what we are going to do next, I've really went back and forth. I've been told my several people that I just need to go see an RE. I would have made an appointment a month ago if I hadn't been referred to the MFM. I did request an appointment on the website of my preferred fertility clinic the day before yesterday, but I haven't received an e-mail or a phone call yet. My husband and I finally sat down tonight and made a decision though. Firstly, we are both fairly positive that we are "out" this cycle if I really did ovulate - because we didn't use Pre-Seed the first time, and the second time was the morning of my supposed ovulation day if I go my BBT. There is a chance that my temps are off and my body is more correct, though, although this has never happened before. So we decided that *if* I get a reply from the RE, we will make the appointment and go with it. If we don't, I'll take it as a sign that it isn't the right step for us right now. I've felt a lot less anxious, so I am going to do my best to relax and concentrate on my child, marriage, and my health for now. We will still try, but I'm not going to obsess over it. It may be the key. Maybe Vitex will help. My yearly check-up is I think June 28, so if no BFP by then, I'm talking to my OB about it and unless he offers me Clomid or Femara, I will make the phone call and get in to see an RE. By then it will be six months since the d&c with no luck, and almost a year and a half since we started actively TTC. I'm hoping "relaxing" does the trick. My husband got a kick out of us talking about relaxing though, since we hate that advice. Who knows, though? I do have high stress levels due to my anxiety and my miscarriages.

I will be sure to update with any info sooner rather than later next time to avoid an insanely long post! :)